Is marriage really a choice or is it merely a heavy influence?

At a very young age women are naturally encouraged and taught to look forward to that beautiful day where they will walk down the aisle in a gorgeous white dress taking a man’s hand in marriage. As young as the age of 4 ken and Barbie were with us reassuring us the promise of marriage and everlasting love. Most of us have even envisioned our wedding day fairly young and we go on to spend the majority of our lives looking for love so that that special day may finally come into fruition. Majority of women spend their lives trying to make sure that dream comes true.


These desires are embedded in the majority of women at a very young age. Granted, some of us were lucky to be brought up in a normal 2 family home where a mother and father were present. If this were the case then we knew that eventually this is what would happen when you get to a particular age. Society shows us the outline of how it usually should go. A woman graduates high school, goes to college, gets established in a career, meets a great man, marries him and lives happily ever after. This has been called the American dream. A house with your family, a dog and a white picket fence. This is what every woman is lead to believe to be the ideal life. The perfect life even.

However this generation has birthed stronger more career oriented women. Women are getting married later and even having children later. Definitely much later then they were 50 years ago. Unfortunately now and days it’s unheard of to be 40 years old, not married but yet still happy. Has society led people to believe that if a women isn’t married that she is automatically deemed unhappy? Incomplete or odd? Has society painted the picture that marriage and men are what truly validate a woman’s happiness in society? Do women even truly know deep down inside that they would like to get married or are they seeking to get married because it’s simply the thing they are just suppose to do? It could be very possible that society’s influence could very well be clouding judgment and the true authentic feelings of each individual woman. It’s almost as though women are led to believe that having a man is the be all to their existence. Women now and days are actually embarrassed to say they are living as single. Some women would rather have a child out of wedlock then say that dreadful phrase….”No, actually I’m single”.


I have a close friend who is 45 and has never been married and she’s actually quite content with it. However she feels as though she “should” be married. I asked her why she felt that way and she responded by telling me because she feels left out that all her other friends are married and that she knows it would make her mom happy. Not one of her reasons for wanting to get married had anything to do with herself. I find that a lot of women’s reasons for wanting to marry have a lot to do with reasons concerning everything else but themselves. Now I am a firm believer in love and I know that some are just blessed to have met their soul mate. Soul mates find one another and they do what feels natural to them. They marry and spend their lives together. Their love isn’t influence by anything else but what they feel for one another. This is what you call authentic reasoning behind love.

Unfortunately this isn’t always the case when marriage is concerned. A lot of men and women marry for the simple fact that there’s nothing else left to do. People marry for so many different reasons besides love. As that 4 year old girl is playing with her ken and Barbie without a care in the world she knows that she one day wants a ken. She doesn’t necessarily know why but she figures that Barbie must have a good reason for wanting ken. Because of that tiny idea planted in her head she grows up chasing the dream of marriage not even knowing if it’s what she actually really wants. We grow up knowing that that is what we are suppose to do beyond the shadow of a doubt. We are led to believe that there is no other way to live life but to get married and be with a man for the rest of our lives. The women who don’t follow this path clearly have to be depressed and miserable. I mean, no girl can be complete and happy without a man right? Sadly this is the influence that society has put upon each and every woman and we’ve all fallen victim to it in some way. Some women would rather die than to actually be single.


The power of suggestion is a powerfully influential thing. Society suggests that we get married along with media, friends and family. It’s something no one can escape. A person simply is not living life if they are living it single. And a woman just can’t possibly lead a happy life if she doesn’t have a man in it. It’s a harsh reality but clearly very true. Are women thinking for themselves in this day of time? What is the true reasoning behind every woman’s reasons for marriage? I really believe that each of us should think deeply about this and evaluate life and all of our relationships. So how do you really feel? Do you really want to get married because it’s what’s in your heart and soul or is it because you feel pressured and influenced to do so? Are you one of those women who are embarrassed to claim single hood? Especially if you are a woman over 35? All these questions should be answered honestly by each and every one of us. I believe we must all really do some soul searching. It’s so hard being true to one’s self living in such an influential society. Sometimes all the noise of what we should be doing makes it hard to see and feel clearly. Let’s all make a point to be true to ourselves no matter what and follow our hearts even if our heart goes against family, society or the norm.

By: Qui Qui Martin

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