Ever heard of the cliché “It’s a small world?” Well my freshman year of college officially introduced me to this statement. Before attending college, I wish I had someone to tell me the do’s and dont’s of college dating. Having that same problem? Don’t worry, I’m here to help you with some basics before stepping into the dating world. Let’s start with rule number one, do not talk to two guys (or girls) at once. Trust me, your college campus may be big, but the world is small. Don’t get caught up like I did. Take a look below at my mistake and learn from it. I’m hoping I can save you from the embarrassment like I wish I would have.
It was cold, very cold. The wind was blowing hard that night. But nothing was colder than my heart. I hadn’t talked to my mom all day so I was starting to worry. I picked up my cell phone to call her, hesitantly. When she said “hello” I knew something was wrong. Her voice was deep and muffled. I asked her “what’s wrong ma?” She said “I have bad news baby.” I couldn’t take any bad news. I had midterms that I had to study for that I was already stressing over. The next words she would tell me would break me down. After a long pause she finally told me my grand-mother died. Before she could speak another word, I was already screaming, crying, begging for it not to be true. She wasn’t just my grand-mother, she was my best friend. It wasn’t my mom’s mom or my deceased dad’s mom; she was my mom’s ex-husband’s mom and while we were not biologically related, she treated me like part of her.
That walk back to my apartment was the longest walk I’ve ever took. I needed that walk. I couldn’t stand being in my small dorm when I talked to my mom. Before I could press the call button on my cell phone I had to be out of that dorm and by myself. I walked deep into my relatively large campus before making that dreadful call. It was at that moment I wished I would have stayed in my dorm to be close to someone; I needed to be held, tight.
As I am walking back, I can feel the leaves dropping from the trees and some onto my face. The wind slapped me like a doctor spanked a newborn baby fresh out its mother’s womb. I made my way up to my room which was on the third level of my campus dorm. I had the choice of taking the elevator but I didn’t; I needed time to think so I just took the stairs. As I am walking into the hallway, I noticed my dorm-mate with two guys, one which I think is really cute. Too distraught to go introduce myself, I lock myself in my room and throw myself onto my twin size bed. A few minutes later I hear a knock on the door; there stood my dorm-mate and these two guys. My eyes were huge from crying and snot had been running down my nose. I used the sleeve on my shirt to wipe my face. I felt like shit so I didn’t give two shits if they thought I was nasty or gross. My friend asked me what was wrong and I told her. She wasn’t the best consoler but she did say she was sorry and offered condolences; even though I did expect a hug. I could tell it was awkward for the two nameless guys that stood in my dorm room. To kill the elephant in the room, I quickly changed conversations. I asked my friend who these guys were. She introduces me to one of the young handsome men that stood like statues as my friend and I discussed my day’s events. “Hi I’m Simone,” I said to the guy my friend introduced as her ‘friend.’ “Nice to meet you, I’m Larry,” he said smiling. Oh he’s cute I thought. I smiled and nudged my friends arm as a sign of approval. Before I could say hello, the cute light skinned guy with freckles already had his hand extended.
“Hi, I’m Raymond,” he smiled and said. His eyes were to die for. They were like a mix of green and brown and wooed me instantly. I greeted him and he asked what was wrong. I told him my grandmother died and he gave me his condolences. The next words he would speak would draw me even closer to him. “My dad died too,” he told me. What? I can’t believe this I thought to myself. I felt a little better after hearing this, not because of the passing of his father, but because we shared a bond. I wanted to get to know him even more.
So…when he asked for my number, I was elated. We went out a couple times but not more than we had sex. The sex was amazing and I was really feelin’ this dude. And when I stopped hearing from him, I was shocked. It was one of those “what the fuck” moments. I was truly hurt. I couldn’t believe that asshole really stopped talking to me after I gave him, me. After talking to a couple friends about the situation, I quickly realized that that’s just what guys do. They fuck and leave! Okay I thought. It’s cool. I moved on.
I think I moved on a little too fast. My friends and I were eating in the cafeteria and in walks Chris, who was then nicknamed “Mr. Sexy” by me and my friends. He was tall, caramel complexion, and sexy. Just how I like them! My roommate’s friend who was eating with us said he lived in her dorm and he was really nice. That’s all I needed to hear. She said she would put in a good word for me and she delivered that promise. He texted me a few nights later to hang out and we did. I went over to his dorm and no we didn’t have sex, at least not that night. He didn’t get my goodies until a couple weeks later. I was gullible, I know, but I really liked him.
A couple weeks went by. Chris and I talked for a little bit but he did the ultimate guy move and slowly stopped talking to me as well. I couldn’t catch a break. I was done with these college men. I went about my business and continued doing ‘me’ and people like to say. One night out of nowhere guess who calls me? Raymond. The next words he would speak would drop not only my mouth but my two best college friend’s mouths to the floor. He told me he knew about me and Chris. I was dumbfounded. How could he have known? I didn’t tell anybody except my two best friends but I knew they would never tell. I hesitantly ask him how he knew about me and Chris. He tells me they are friends. I wanted to scream. LOUD.
Stuttering and stumbling over my words trying to explain myself, he doesn’t want to hear it. I try to blame it on him. He disappeared from me. I didn’t diss him, he dissed me! So how can he call me blaming me for moving on when he made the decision for me? He told me he was pledging for a fraternity and wasn’t allowed to communicate with anyone except his fellow pledges. I felt so stupid. That explained everything! No wonder he hadn’t called or I hadn’t seen him on campus. He had to go on a social lockdown.
I knew he was mad at me. I knew he was never going to speak to me again. As I am sitting there ashamed to look at my friends in their face, I started crying. Not because I was embarrassed or mad that I got caught. But because I really hurt him. He told me he thought we shared a bond because we were both going through a loss at that time. Sad thing is, I felt the exact same way.
Today, he is married and I can’t help but to think that could have been me. My advice would be if you are talking or involved with someone, wait it out and work it out. College isn’t that big and everyone knows EVERYONE.
Interviewed by: Simone Grant